I Do Who?
by Girliegirl1179
Summary: Part one of the 5 W's series! Ranger asks Steph to do a distraction in Vegas. Should be simple but with Steph nothing ever is. Someone's married but who? Please Review. Rated Mature. Warning for Language. The sequel is up.
1. Chapter 1

**_I Do Who?_**

Disclaimer: Not mine. Damn it.

A/N: Thanks to Leslie who looked over this for me. Also thanks to Angie for talking this story out with me. It contains prompts for the Mod Squad Challenge. Please Review and let me know if I should continue.

What the fuck? Where the hell was I? Why did it feel like there was a marching band playing inside my head and why can't I breathe. I glanced down and saw a large arm across my chest. I started to panic. This was not Ranger's arm.

I sat up slowly and looked around trying to not wake the owner of the arm. What the hell happened last night? I scooted up and realized the arm was attached to Lester and not only was he in the bed with me but Bobby was there as well. Taking an inventory of the room I found Binkie lying across the foot of the bed. Ram and Zip were asleep on the floor.

I tried to think back to yesterday. I remembered Ranger calling asking me to do a distraction in Vegas. He picked me up and as we boarded the plane his cell rang. A high dollar account was broken into and he had to go. He kissed me senseless before telling us to head on to Vegas and that he would catch up with us tomorrow.

The guys wanted to show me the town once we arrived in Vegas. I remember Lester daring me to do a body shot. After that everything was fuzzy.

So here I was sitting on a king sized bed, surrounded by Merry Men in various states of undress. I let my eyes wander over the fine specimens of eye candy; before turning my attention back to myself. I raised the sheet off my body and was pleased to find that I was dressed in Rangers tee shirt and my boy shorts I packed for the trip.

I glanced over to my right at Bobby and was relieved to see him in his boxers. Then I looked towards Lester on my left and everything went to shit all at once. I got a brief glimpse of Lester's very fine sculpted abs just as I caught the glisten of diamonds on my left hand.

Before I could process this information the bedroom door crashed open as Ranger stepped in and roared. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?"

Binkie fell off the bed. Ram and Zip bashed their heads together trying to jump up off the floor. Bobby reached for what I assume he thought was his gun but found my breast instead. I slapped at his hands as he moaned, "My gun, I'm looking for my gun."

"Well that ain't it." I yelled.

"BROWN!" Ranger fumed.

Bobby flopped back on the bed muttering, "I'm going throw up."

Lester sat straight up knocking the sheet off revealing his impressive package to everyone. He looked down at himself then at Ranger.

"Oh Shit," he croaked. Before he bent over and puked all over the floor.

I glanced at Ranger and could see the fury radiating off his body. He took two steps towards me. I squeaked and covered my head with my hands. This motion must have brought the rings on my left hand to Ranger's attention.

He stalked over to me and grabbed my left hand before he shouted. "I have no idea what in the hell happened last night; but I want to know who I get to murder!"

"**Well, we went skinny dipping and we did things that scared the fish**." Lester smirked.

"What in the hell are you talking about?" I asked.

"Oh Beautiful. Don't you remember?"

"I would never go skinny dipping!" I shrieked.

Lester raised an eyebrow, "Oh, but you did."

Lester had wrapped the sheet around his waist and laid back on the bed closing his eyes.

"Lester, you can't go to sleep. Explain!" I whined.

"Well … what do you remember?"

"I remember the bar and the body shots." I squeaked.

"BODY SHOTS!" Ranger barked.

"Don't yell. I've got a headache." Binkie muttered as he crawled back on the bed. Ram and Zip groaned in agreement.

"The skinny dipping came after the bar. We went down stairs to the pool. You kept saying you were hot so someone suggested taking off your suit. I think it was Ram."

"Bullshit Santos, you said it right before you helped her out of the suit. You're just trying to save your ass."

"Saving his ass isn't an option." Ranger said as he reached for Lester.

"Fuck me!" Lester said, as he shoved me at Ranger in an attempt to scramble off the bed

Ranger set me aside as he caught Lester by his throat and shook him growling at him, "You know what comes **after pain … oblivion**." Ranger then threw Lester against the wall.

TBC …


	2. Chapter 2

**I Do Who?**

**Chapter 2**

_Disclaimer: Still not mine._

_A/N: This contains challenge Prompts for Babe_Squad, RWE, and RW. Warning for Language. Please review. Thanks to Xylia for the Beta work. Please Review!!!!!!! I need to know what you think! _:)

_--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

"Ranger!" I yelled as Lester crashed into the wall. "Stop, you can't kill him."

"Why the hell not?" He glared at me while picking up my left hand. "It looks like my fuck head cousin has done enough to earn an ass kicking."

"Well you need to keep him alive until we figure out who is attached to those rings." Bobby sighed trying to sit up. "If it's him," he waved his hand in the direction of Lester who was a crumpled pile on the floor. "I'm sure he needs to be alive to have the marriage annulled."

"Oh God, my mother's going to kill me. I can just hear her now; Mary Malkoski's daughter doesn't get married in Vegas. Oh but my daughter, my daughter not only gets married in Vegas. Then she turns around and gets the marriage annulled." I muttered.

"Bombshell, we don't even know if you got married for sure." Ram chimed in.

"We were all **drunk** of our asses and that was before we started drinking **beer** too." Zip laughed.

"Does anyone remember anything?" I squeaked.

"Someone better remember something and they better start talking NOW!" Ranger fumed.

"Can the **raging monkey **actman it doesn't become you." Lester smarted off from the corner.

"SANTOS! You would be wise to shut the hell up!" Ranger sneered.

"Fine I'll shut up and not tell you what I remember."

Ranger's legendary control snapped. He lunged for Lester wrapped his hands around his throat. "You are trying my patience, Cousin. You need to sober up and tell me what you remember before I ship you to Ethiopia … **forever."**

"You're just jealous that one of us might be married to your girl." Lester sneered.

Lester must still be drunk. Either that or he had a death wish. I decided to turn Ranger's attention back to me.

"Ranger lets figure out who remembers what before you kill him." Then I played my trump card. "Please?" I sighed in relief when he came over and wrapped me in his arms. He kissed my head as Binkie looked up at us.

"Uh, boss man. It might be a good idea not to kiss on her until we figure out whose wife she is." The glare Ranger gave him caused Binkie to fall off the bed again. "Shit that fucking hurt." Binkie whined.

I leaned into Ranger's embrace. At least he still seemed to want me.

"I'll always want you Babe. We just need to make sure no one else has a claim on what's mine." He sighed.

Bobby grinned at us before he started. "I remember getting kicked out of the pool. A family came in and caught sight of Steph, Lester, and Binkie skinny-dipping. They must've called security."

"You!" Ranger pointed at Bobby. "You were supposed to be the smart one. What the hell were you thinking?"

"Hey, I kept us all out of jail and believe me. You are **living in a fantasy** if you think that was an easy job. Anyways we escaped before security caught up with us. We threw our clothes back on and Zip decided he wanted to go to the strip club."

"Please tell me I didn't go to a strip club?" I whined.

"You not only went to a strip club you insisted on riding to the strip club in a **horse** drawn carriage." Ram chuckled.

"It was really a cool strip club. We should go back." Lester chimed in.

"The club was done up for Halloween. All the employees were in costumes." Zip said with a huge grin on his face.

"The bouncers were dressed as **ghosts**. There was one **stripper** dressed in a **costume** made out of **candy corn.**" Ram said with a smile on his face.

"There was a naughty nurse and a vampire too" Binkie added enthusiastically.

"Oh but the best of all was when the owner came out and asked Steph to dress up as a **witch** and strip for the amateur act of the night."

"Oh, hell no! There is no way in hell that I stripped in a club in Vegas." I choked out.

"Beautiful!" Lester smirked. "Never say never."

Ranger growled at Lester "I'm going to kick your ass."

"I'm such a whore!" I said as tears fell down my face.

"Babe, **call yourself a whore again, and I'll make sure that spanking you have yet to receive is nothing pleasant." **Ranger whispered in my ear.

TBC …


	3. Chapter 3

_I Do Who?_ Chapter 3

_Disclaimer: I don't own the characters._

_A/N: Thanks to Angie for everything. Thanks to XY for her Beta skills. Please review!!! Contains a response to Nise's Halloween Distraction on RWE. _

_Previously: __"Babe, __**call yourself a whore again, and I'll make sure that spanking you have yet to receive is nothing pleasant." **__Ranger whispered in my ear._

* * *

I thought that a change of topic might be in order. Debating Ranger's words might cause me to drag him to bed to have my wicked way with him.

"Babe!" He growled.

_Damn, guess I said that out loud._ I looked at Ranger and he was grinning at me.

"Okay, so does anyone remember anything else about last night?" I sighed. "We might as well review what we have so far. We went to the bar, skinny-dipping, and the strip club. Please, tell me that's all."

My question was answered by a lot of 'I don't knows.'

Ranger stood up, dragging me with him. "Alright, I want everyone up and dressed in 5 minutes. We're going to backtrack last night. Maybe someone, somewhere, heard you guys say where you were heading next."

No one made an effort to move. Ranger looked at us and yelled, "NOW!"

Everyone, me included, started throwing on clothes. We were trying to keep Ranger's sanity intact, though I'm thinking we'd lost the battle.

Five minutes later, we were all heading out to the SUV.

"Since you all remember things up until you left the strip club we are going to start there." Ranger stated before getting in the driver's seat. That worked out well since he was the only one in any shape to drive.

We arrived at Sapphire a few minutes later. As we approached the door, a man that made Tank look small stepped outside.

"What are you doing here? The club doesn't open up till four o'clock." He said.

"We're looking for the owner or any of the girls that may have worked last night; we're trying to figure out where this group," Ranger motioned at us, "went last night after they left here."

"I'm a bouncer here but last night was my night off. Give me a second and I'll go grab Sal. He's the owner." The bouncer left and came back a few minutes later with a guy that put Vinnie to shame in the sleazy department.

Sal took one look at me and stopped dead in his tracks. "Oh My God, it's you! You're back! I prayed I could find you again. Your routine was a huge success. You ran off last night before I had a chance to pay you." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope.

I opened the envelope and was shocked. There was at least five grand there.

"The regulars want you to come back. I'd like to offer you a job. You'd make at least ten grand a night guaranteed." Sal said excitedly.

"Um … no… No thanks. I have a job that I love. I don't remember dancing last night but I promise it was a onetime thing."

Ranger pulled me close and whispered in my ear. "Last night won't be your final performance, Babe. From now on they'll be private shows only."

_Damn, him there goes my panties._

Sal looked sad at my refusal. "Well, at least I can show your routine on the big screen."

"WHAT? It was videotaped?" I squeaked.

"Sal, I'll need to see that video and seeing as my girlfriend was drunk at the time, she wasn't capable of consenting to be recorded. So, all copies of the tape will become our property." Ranger said with an icy tone.

"Now wait just a minute, you can't do that." Sal looked at the Merry Men and the very angry Ranger.

"Sal, Things can go a couple ways here." Ranger said as he pulled his gun from behind his back. "We can do this the easy way or the hard way."

Sal looked like he was about to piss his pants. "I think we'll do this the easy way. Follow me inside and I'll get the video.

Ranger and I followed Sal into the office. Ranger sat down pulling me into his lap as Sal opened a safe and pulled out a DVD. "Here's the copy of her performance."

"Sal, I was wondering if I could purchase the outfit she wore last night?" Ranger asked.

I attempted to raise my eyebrow. _Damn it, how does he do that?_

"Hell, consider it a gift." Sal said as he stood up to go the dressing room to retrieve my costume. He came back in holding a scrap of material.

I looked at Ranger and shrieked.** "You expect me to wear this in public!!! Where is the rest of the costume?"**

Ranger gave me a wolf grin before saying, "I expect you to model this for me later in private. I never said anything about public."

"Oh!" I licked my lips in anticipation.

When we made our way back to the guys we weren't surprised to find them talking to a beautiful blonde. Ranger cleared his throat and the guys jumped to attention.

"Beautiful, this is Candy. She works here and remembers us from last night." Lester said.

"Yeah, the guys were filling me in on the problem." She said while pointing to my rings.

I sighed, "Do you remember anything we said?" I asked.

"He told me." she pointed at Bobby, "that you all wanted to sing so I told you all about a Karaoke bar down the street. I bet you guys went there."

"Thanks, Candy." I grabbed Lester by the shirt collar, dragging him out of the building behind me.

"What was that for?" He whined.

"Just didn't want you to get lost on our way out." I smirked.

I was secretly hoping that Candy was mistaken and that we didn't go to the Karaoke bar.

Ram destroyed all hope of that being true when he spoke up, "You know, I think she's right. I remember us going into a Karaoke bar."

"Well, at least I'm sure I didn't do that."

"Uh, Bomber." Zip mumbled.

I looked over seeing Zip playing with his cell. All of a sudden, I heard Lester singing.

" I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad

I know your type  
(Your type)  
You're daddy's little girl  
Just take a bite  
(One bite)  
Let me shake up your world  
'Cause just one night couldn't be so wrong  
I'm gonna make you lose control

She was so shy  
Till I drove her wild

I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go bad  
You were hanging in the corner  
With your five best friends  
You heard that I was trouble  
But you couldn't resist  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go  
Good girls go bad."

I heard Ranger mumbling under his breath, "I'm going to kill him."

Then my voice started coming out of the phone. _Oh, Hell No! Can it get any worse?  
_  
"I know your type  
(Your type)  
Boy, you're dangerous  
Yeah, you're that guy  
(That guy)  
I'd be stupid to trust  
But just one night couldn't be so wrong  
You make me wanna lose control."

I looked over at Ranger and whimpered. I've never seen him so angry. There was no way that he'd still love me after all this. I finally had the guy of my dreams and I got drunk and ruined it. _Great Job, Stephanie!_

Lester's voice came back through the phone and he sang,

"She was so shy  
Till I drove her wild  
I make them good girls go bad  
I make them good girls go bad."

Ranger's control was on the verge of taking a permanent vacation as Zip snapped his phone shut. Smart man, the same couldn't be said for Lester.

"It was just getting to the good part of the song. Why'd you stop it for?" Lester huffed from beside me.

"Are you trying to get me to kill you, Cousin? I swear it can be arranged." Ranger fumed.

Hearing the song made something click in my brain. "Hey guys, why do I remember riding a roller coaster on the roof of a building or did I dream that?"

"I remember now." Bobby interjected. "After the karaoke we walked past the Stratosphere. You wanted to ride it so you and I went to ride. The rest of the guys thought it was dumb."

"Does anyone remember anything after them riding the Stratosphere? Like where the rings came from?" Ranger ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

No one answered_. Damn it all to Hell. We'll never figure out what happened._

We made our way towards the Stratosphere, trying to figure out where we went next. Once we arrived inside, I looked over at Ranger and noticed him pinching the bridge of his nose.

I walked over to him and asked, "What's the matter?"

"Headache."

He marched over to a vending machine that had aspirin, took a dollar out of his wallet and attempted to feed it into the machine. The machine was less than cooperative and kept spitting his money back out at him.

"FUUUCK!!!!!!!" he said in a pained voice, hitting the machine with his fist.

I looked at the guys and said, "Cool, Calm, Ranger has left the building. Anyone have some change?"

Ranger stalked back over to us, glaring at the guys who quickly reached in and emptied the contents of their pockets. Ranger scanned the hands extended in front of him and stopped dead at Bobby's. He picked up a men's gold wedding band from Bobby's outstretched palm.

"BROWN!!! What the fuck is this?"

All the color drained from Bobby's face as he looked up at Ranger. "OH, SHIT!!!!"

TBC …

A/N: Does the ring belong to Bobby? Are they really married? Is Ranger going to kill his men? Please review and let me know what you think.

The song I picked for Karaoke is _Good Girls Go Bad _by Cobra Starship. I can so see Lester doing that and the song fits this situation perfectly.


	4. Chapter 4

**I Do Who Chapter 4**

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters.

A/N: Thanks to Angie for everything. Thanks to XY for her Beta skills. Please review!!!

Previously: "BROWN!!! What the fuck is this?"

All the color drained from Bobby's face as he looked up at Ranger. "OH, SHIT!!!!"

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ranger lunged for Bobby, wrapping his hands around his neck. Ram and Binkie dragged Ranger backwards. Bobby was leaned against the wall trying to catch his breath, when we over heard a group of girls.

"Hey isn't that the guy from the billboard?"

Lester turned to see the girls pointing at Bobby. "Who and what Billboard?" He asked.

A cute redhead sauntered up to Lester. "The billboard outside, come to think of it, you," she pointed to Lester and looked around. "Hell all of you are on it, except you." She walked over to Ranger and leaned into him, "Guess that means you're unattached, Handsome."

I stepped in between her and Ranger. "He's very much attached. Back off Barbie."

"Babe!" Ranger chuckled pulling me back into him.

The girl rolled her eyes. "You've got these five already. I think you need to share."

"Sharing isn't an option. They all go home with me." I crossed my arms.

The girl turned on her heel and muttered "Slut."

I made a move to grab her hair when Ranger locked his arms around my waist, lifting me a few inches off the ground.

"Let me go. She called me a slut." I fumed.

"Whoa Tiger, we have enough trouble without you getting thrown in jail." Ranger sighed

"Beside Bomber, you just told her that you were with six men. What do you expect?" Ram laughed.

I glared at Ram. "You know what I meant." I said before I stomped outside to look at the billboard.

When I looked up, I came to a screeching halt. Lester plowed into the back of me knocking me to the ground.

I laid on the ground and moaned, "Oh God. I am a slut."

Ranger reached down and pulled me to my feet. As we all stared up at the obnoxious sign that was a picture of me with all five guys down on one knee, with big letters above saying what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

I placed my hands over my eyes. Could it get any worse?

I heard Bobby say, "Well the good news is, now have an address and a Chapel."

Well it looked like we were heading to the Hunk of Burning Love Wedding Chapel.

"Now I remember, we wanted to see Elvis!" Lester volunteered. "If I remember correctly we talked Elvis into drinking with us when we got there."

Ranger growled. "Santos!"

"What?"

"How much did you guys have to drink?" Ranger asked in an exasperated voice.

"Too much! Entirely too much!" Zip moaned, "I'm pretty sure, Bobby was carrying Steph at this point."

"She was barely conscious." Ram chimed in.

"I swear if you five still have a job by the time we get back it will be a miracle." Ranger fumed.

"I count six in this cluster fuck." Lester pointed at me.

"No, you five know that Steph can't hold her liquor and who was buying her drinks?" Ranger asked.

"Well technically you bought her drinks." Lester mumbled.

"YOU PUT THIS ON THE RANGEMAN CARD!" Ranger yelled.

"You said to make sure she had a good time."

"I'm so going to enjoy taking this out of your hide when we get back to Trenton."

"We have an address." Bobby interjected trying to keep Ranger from murdering Lester. "Let's go find this chapel."

Ranger grabbed my hand and started pulling me down the street towards what I hoped was the final piece of this nightmare.

We turned the corner and saw several emergency vehicles. "Look Bomber," Binkie chuckled. "They started the party without you."

"You've got to be kidding me." I sighed as we walked toward the firemen.

We walked up to the tape and Ranger flagged down the fire chief. "What happened?" He asked.

"The Chapel burned down and the minister is missing." The chief informed us.

"Well shit." I mumbled as I plopped down on the curb and rested my head on my arms.

Ranger came and sat beside me, "Babe, its okay. We'll figure it out, I promise."

"How can you say that, Ranger? You find me in bed with five of your men. I've been skinny dipping in the pool, stripping in a club, singing karaoke and drunk off my ass. But, the worse thing is I might be married to one of them, and now we won't even know because the church burned down and the minister is missing. Why me?" I whined. "Oh God, now I sound like my mother!" I burst into tears.

"Babe," Ranger said rubbing circles on my back.

I wailed even harder.

"Steph, there has to be records somewhere."

I continued sobbing.

"Look at the bright side … if the only record was in the chapel. It just went up in smoke." Lester chuckled.

"Not helping." Ranger barked.

I couldn't be consoled.

Ranger sighed, "You've left me no choice." He pulled my face towards him and placed a toe-curling kiss on my lips.

TBC …

A/N: Well what do you think?


	5. Chapter 5

I Do Who Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Not mine. *sigh*

A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've been hosting a challenge on RW. The chapter is a reward for Anna, thanks for playing and great use of the prompts.

Angie thanks for all you do. Xy thanks for reading through the chapter for me.

Previously: Ranger sighed, "You've left me no choice." He pulled my face towards him and placed a toe-curling kiss on my lips.

* * *

I broke the kiss and pulled back to smile at Ranger. His head suddenly moved forward with a thud sound. Lester had smacked him on the back of the head.

"You can't kiss her, she's someone else's wife." Lester fumed.

Ranger sprang to his feet and threw a punch that knocked Lester out cold. I've never seen Ranger so mad. Ranger pulled his leg back to kick Lester. I flung my body around his legs and knocked Ranger to the ground.

"Babe!" Ranger exclaimed before he pulled me to him in a hug.

I heard chuckles coming from the guys.

"Umm, Santos has a point, Rangeman." Zip muttered.

Ram elbowed Zip, "Shut the fuck up! Did you see what he just did to Santos?"

Ranger glared at Zip, "That's good advice!"

Bobby went over to check on Lester. "You know we would accomplish more if everyone was conscious and able to walk." He pulled out an ammonia capsule, broke it and waved it under Lester's nose.

Lester came to and started slapping Bobby's hands away. "Get that shit away from me, it stinks! What the hell happened?"

"For your own health, it would be wise to start working on the filter between your mouth and your brain." Bobby advised.

"You know," Binkie interjected, "No one was in any shape to consummate the marriage last night so annulment is still an option."

"You guys better pray it wasn't consummated, or Steph won't need an annulment; she'll be a widow." Ranger threatened.

I sighed, "Now where do we go guys?"

"I say we go to the court house. We can check to see if anyone of us filed for a marriage license." Bobby said, as he reached down to help Lester to his feet.

Lester smirked at Ranger as he came over, offered me his hand and helped me to my feet. "My lady," he winked as he bent down to kiss my hand.

Ranger growled, "I'm starting to think Ethiopia is too good for you, cousin. Maybe Somalia or I've got an even better idea … how about a pine box?"

Lester just grinned. He seemed to be enjoying pushing Ranger's buttons.

Bobby pulled Lester away, "Didn't I just warn you to watch what you say? Are you nuts?"

"I was just being a gentleman." Lester said while wiggling his eyebrows at me.

"Death wish, he's got a fucking death wish." Bobby muttered as he walked away. "I shouldn't have let them talk me into coming to Vegas. It was Tank's turn to deal with this shit. But, oh no, I let them talk me into this; because with Steph around the possible need for a medic goes up tenfold."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean?" I said taking off after Bobby.

Bobby turned around and looked sheepish. "Shit, I said that out loud didn't I? This is why I didn't want to come, she's rubbing off on me and now I'm talking to myself."

"Bombshell, you know that Bobby's right. Things have a tendency to explode when you're around," Binkie chuckled.

No one seemed to have anything else to add to that, _thank God_, so we all climbed in the SUV and headed to courthouse.

We pulled up to the entrance for the Marriage Service Division. Once inside, we waited in line for nearly 45 minutes to take our turn at the counter. They called next and all seven of us went up to the counter. The woman looked up from her computer and almost fell out of her chair looking at the hunks crowded in front of her.

"C-Can I help-p you?" she stuttered.

"Yes, my name is Stephanie Plum. I need to see if any marriage licenses were issued in my name last night?"

"The groom's name?" she asked.

"Ummm … Well …" I sighed. I was really hoping she could just search my name without asking about the groom.

"Lester Santos," Lester crooned.

"Bobby Brown," Bobby stated quietly.

The woman behind the desk looked like a fish out of water. "Do I really need to search for two grooms?"

"Actually, we need you to search for five." I said as my cheeks flushed crimson.

The woman looked at me and smiled. "It's okay, honey, hell I'd marry all of them if I could." She fanned herself for a second before asking the guys for the rest of their names.

She ran the search, looked up at me and smiled, "I have three marriage licenses on file; one for Mr. Santos, one for Mr. Brown, and one for a Mr. Manoso."

I turned around and stared at Ranger, "How do we have a license on file?"

"I don't know, Babe! But, I'm not complaining." He flashed me a 1000-watt smile.

"Excuse me, could you double check the …," a mocha-colored hand covered my mouth to stop my question.

"Babe, let's not sweat the small stuff," Ranger whispered in my ear.

"So, just the licenses have been issued? None of them have been filed showing a marriage, right?" I asked hopefully.

"No, but the chapel has 72 hours to file the marriage with the court," she stated.

"Well, hell. Now, what are we supposed to do?" I whined.

"We appreciate your assistance." Ranger smiled at her as we left the office.

Once in the alleyway, Ranger pulled out his cell phone. "Silvo, I need you to start running a search on the 'Hunk of Burning Love Wedding Chapel.' I need all the usual information and see if you can figure out why someone would burn it down."

He flipped his phone shut and placed his arm around my waist pulling me close to his side.

"Ranger, why are you so happy? We still don't know if I'm married."

"Babe, we know that it's either Bobby or Lester. Hell, if we have to, we'll wait for the 72 hours to expire but I don't think it will take that long."

We headed back to the suite. All I wanted to do was lay down. I reached for Ranger's hand to pull him with me. I wanted to fall asleep in his arms.

Ranger seemed to know where my mind was going so he got up to follow me to my room.

Lester stood up and placed a hand on Ranger's shoulder. "Where do you think you're going, man?"

"I'm going to lay down with Steph, not that it's any of your business." Ranger growled.

"It is my business; the possibility that she's my wife makes it so." Lester seethed.

I've never seen Lester act this way. "Lester, if we are married, we did it when we were drunk out of our minds." I said.

Ranger turned on Lester. "Do you think that I give a rat's ass if you're married to her or not? This never should have happened. You know that I love her, how in the hell could you do this to me?"

"You're not the only one that loves her. We all do and it's not as if you'll ever do anything about it, man. You've been tugging her along for three fucking years. If she's married to me I want my chance." Lester yelled.

_Whoa, where the hell did that come from?_

"The chance isn't there for you. She'll never be yours." Ranger shoved Lester.

"I'm tired of your shit, man. You can't make that kind of decision for her. She gets a say in her life. Don't forget that I know you fucked her and sent her back to the cop." Lester shoved back at Ranger.

They both started towards each other. _Holy Hell, they're going to kill each other._

I jumped in between them and started pushing Ranger towards my bedroom. I knew I couldn't move him if he didn't want to be moved, but we made progress towards my room as Lester continued to yell at Ranger.

Once Ranger was inside my room I closed the door and sighed. I may be married to Bobby or Lester but ONE PISSED OFF RANGER IS ALL I'LL EVER NEED!

TBC …

A/N: So the plot thickens. How did a marriage license get issued in Ranger's name? Is she married to Bobby or Lester? Review and tell me what you think.


	6. Chapter 6

I Do Who? – Chapter 6

_Disclaimer: Not mine._

_A/N: Thanks to Xy and Angie for looking over this for me. Reward for Kathy! Please review!!!!!_

_Previously: Once Ranger was inside my room I closed the door and sighed. I may be married to Bobby or Lester but ONE PISSED OFF RANGER IS ALL I'LL EVER NEED!_

* * *

I woke up sometime later to Ranger kissing me all over. His hands started to explore under my clothes when a throat cleared from the chair across the room.

"Excuse me! Get your hands off my maybe wife." Lester fumed.

Ranger growled and started to lunge off the bed.

"Holy shit, Lester!" I grabbed Ranger's arm trying to hold him on the bed, "Have you lost your mind? What are you doing in here?" I frantically asked.

"I'm in here to make sure that what just about happened," he motioned to us on the bed, "Didn't."

"Get the FUCK out of this room!" Ranger said while glaring at Lester.

"I'll leave, but make sure you keep your damn hands to yourself." Lester said as he got up and walked out of my room slamming the door behind him.

Ranger got up off the bed, walked to the bathroom, and slammed the door. _That went … well._

_Sometime later …_

We finally got a call back from Silvio, who found our missing minister. Our Elvis' real name was Dave Sneeden. He was scheduled to perform, later tonight, at the Elvis impersonator show that was in town.

Lester thought that just he and I should go to the convention. Ranger, of course, thought that was the dumbest idea he'd ever heard. _Just what I need two Alpha males in a pissing match!_

"It makes sense," Zip muttered under his breath, "They would be able to move around the convention easier, just the two of them."

"Not going to fucking happen!" Ranger yelled.

I'm lost in my thoughts as Ranger and Lester continued their argument. _You know sometimes I missed having a penis in my bed but its times like these, I just don't._ I chuckled and everyone turned to see what I thought was so funny.

"What?"

"Babe, were you paying attention at all?" Ranger said while giving me a sexy smirk.

"Um … No." I grinned.

The guys all laughed before filling me in on what I'd missed.

We finally agreed that Bobby, Lester, Ranger, and I would go to the convention. We arrived to find thousands of people dressed up like Elvis. There were skinny ones, fat ones, short ones, and tall ones. I looked at Ranger, "Who's bright idea was it to try and find him here?"

Ranger and Bobby turned to glare at Lester. "Why don't you ask genius over there?" Bobby pointed towards Lester.

Who shrugged his shoulder, "They're just mad that they never come up with the cool plans!"

A young Elvis walked up to Lester and started hitting on him. Lester looked at Bobby and asked, "Can I shoot him?"

"Not in public, too hard to cover up." Bobby chuckled.

The young Elvis' face went ghost white before he turned tail and ran.

"Do any of you remember what the minister looked like in costume?" Ranger asked.

Lester looked at Ranger as if he was stupid, "Like Elvis."

Bobby reached out and smacked Lester on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" Lester said while rubbing the back of his head.

"Idiot, you know I'll be glad when we get back to Trenton. You'll be in traction and I'll get a new partner." Bobby grinned.

"Oh shut up, man. You'd miss me." Lester feigned heartbreak at Bobby's words.

"All right, Dumb and Dumber knock it off." I sighed.

"Babe," Ranger chuckled before kissing my head, "now back to my question, the minister was he dressed like young Elvis or old Elvis."

Lester and Bobby looked at me. "Um hello, you really expect me to remember?" I rolled my eyes.

"Old Elvis, he looked like old Elvis." Bobby interrupted my ranting.

We worked our way through the crowd asking if anyone knew, Dave Sneeden. We finally figured out where he was performing. I couldn't believe my eyes when we saw him; it was like looking at the _real _Elvis. He sure knew how to work the crowd. All the ladies were screaming and fawning over this guy.

Dave Sneeden made eye contact with the guys and visibly paled. _Odd_, I thought to myself. He quickly finished his set and ran off stage. We followed him and were shocked to see him running from us.

"What the hell? Why is he running from us?" I asked.

Just then two muscle bound men dressed in black threw a bag over our Elvis and started dragging him kicking and screaming out a side door.

"FUCK!!!!" Ranger yelled, "Why me?"

We took off chasing after them. They were loading Mr. Sneeden into the back of a passenger van when we caught up with them. The bad men-in-black drew their guns, "Who the fuck are you?" they asked.

Lester, Bobby, and Ranger already had guns trained on the bad guys.

Ranger looked down and noticed no gun in my hand, "Babe!" he said in an exasperated voice.

"What? We were looking for Elvis, why would I need my gun?"

TBC …


	7. Chapter 7

I Do Who? Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Not mine. *sigh*

A/N: I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and New Years. Now onto the madness that is 'I Do Who?'. Hope you all enjoy. Please review.

* * *

Ranger started muttering under his breath in Spanish. He reached behind his back and handed me his other gun, never taking his eyes off the bad guys. I took hold of the gun very reluctantly causing the gun to slip from my hand. I made a grab for the gun and of course it goes off, causing everyone to hit the deck.

"BABE!" Ranger exclaimed. He grabbed the gun out of my hand and placed it back into his waistband. Lester and Bobby were trying, unsuccessfully, not to laugh as they made their way back to their feet.

Once Ranger was satisfied that I was properly unarmed he spoke in his 'I don't take shit from anyone' voice. "Drop your weapons and I won't put a bullet between your eyes."

The two bad guys seemed to realize they were out gunned and wisely lowered their weapons. "Hey man, we're just doing our job. We don't want any trouble."

"Who do you work for and why are you trying to kidnap Mr. Sneeden?" Ranger demanded.

"Mr. Sneeden owes our boss a lot of money. We were told to bring him in so Mr. Biggs could 'convince' him to pay up."

Dave Sneeden picked this moment to protest. "How am I supposed to pay up when you thugs burned down my chapel? I made a lot of money last night! I was getting ready to come pay, but now I can't because the money was in the chapel."

"You said you made a lot of money last night. Do you remember marrying any of us last night?" Lester looked almost hopeful.

"Yes," he chuckled, "that's why I ran. I figured you realized how much you paid me last night and wanted your money back. You guys paid me five thousand dollars for a one thousand dollar ceremony. "

I could feel the tension rolling off Ranger's body; it seemed like I really was married. Tears started rolling down my cheeks. He pulled me to him, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"Shhh … Babe, its okay. No matter what, I love you." He whispered to me.

"Who did you marry? Is she married to Lester or me?" Bobby turned ghostly white while we waited for the answer.

"Well, you see. I performed the ceremony, but as drunk as the little lady was, I decided to leave the papers on the desk in my office. And well, the fire kind of destroyed them. So really no one is married right now since I never filed the papers. But, I'd gladly redo the papers, if you'd like."

"NO!!!!" came three simultaneous shouts from Ranger, Bobby and I.

Lester looked over at Mr. Sneeden and asked, "Was she married to me?"

"Yes, I married you two last night."

"I don't give a fuck what he says," Lester pointed at Ranger. "I still want to be mar …" Lester fell into heap on the ground as Ranger placed his stun gun back into his pocket.

"Was that really necessary?" Bobby shook his head in disbelief at Ranger.

"I did it to keep him from saying anything more he'd regret. I did him a favor, he's not thinking clearly right now. Besides this was better than me killing him," Ranger stated.

Ranger walked over to the bad guys whom I'd nicknamed Larry and Moe. Ranger spoke quietly to them for a few minutes. Then he pulled out a business card, handed it to them before they quickly fled. Bobby bent down and started trying to wake up my almost husband. Dave Sneeden kept looking around frantically trying to see if he could make a dash for it.

Ranger saw what he was up to and grabbed him by the nape of the neck. He pulled Dave over to the side of the building where they started talking in hushed tones. I tried to eavesdrop on their conversation but Lester started coming around. I knelt down beside him and brushed his hair out of eyes.

"Les, I know that you were going to ask him to fix the papers back. I need you listen me. You're one of my best friends and I do love you. But, I'm in love with Ranger. Even if the papers were legit, I would've wanted the marriage annulled." Who knew that breaking up with an almost husband would be this hard. I couldn't stop the tear that rolled down my cheek.

"Damn it, Beautiful, don't cry." Lester wiped the tear of my face. "I would've loved the opportunity to try to make you fall in love with me, but I knew where your heart was all along. I'm sorry I made this so hard for you." Lester leaned up and lightly brushed his lips to mine.

Bobby cleared his throat, "I'd stop that if I were you. You're lucky all he did was stun your ass. You keep kissing his woman and you won't be so lucky the second time."

Lester chuckled, "It's okay, it was just a goodbye kiss. Besides, I'm officially a bachelor again. Listen … I hear Candy calling my name."

I slapped his chest, "When will you ever grow up?" I tried to decide if I should've been offended that I was so easily replaced but the more I thought about it the more I realized it was just Lester being … well, Lester.

I looked back over at Ranger, who shook Dave's hand before Dave turned to leave. Ranger walked over to me, scooped me into his arms and carried me away from Lester, "Babe, we need to talk."

TBC …

**A/N: Hit the review button and tell me what you think. Only one chapter to go. What does Ranger want to talk about? **


	8. Chapter 8

I Do Who? Chapter 8 –

Disclaimer: Obviously they aren't mine. If they were Joe wouldn't even be in the picture.

A/N: I want to thank Angie for looking over this for me. I want to thank everyone who has read this story. It has been a fun ride and I'm kind of sad to see it end but rest assured I've got another story in my head already. Now onto the craziness that is my story, I Do Who?

* * *

"Talk? Talk about what? We should be celebrating. I'm not married!! That's a good thing, remember?" I looked at Ranger like he'd lost his mind. Who wanted to talk, I wanted my Ranger induced orgasm. Right Now!

"BABE! You're playing with fire. Now hush." He kissed me senseless before dragging me into the suite.

_Hmmm … guess I said that out loud._

Ranger opened the door to the suite and the TV was blaring. Ram, Binkie, and Zip obviously weren't paying attention to their surroundings. We made our way into the room and found the guys watching the video of me from the strip club. Binkie looked up and saw us enter the room and frantically tried to turn off the TV. "Hey Bomber … Boss. What's the verdict? Did you find Elvis?" He stuttered.

"OUT!" Ranger yelled.

"Out? Where are we supposed to go? This is our room too." Zip muttered.

Ranger growled and the three stooges fled the room. _Smart move._

"Babe, get dressed. We're going to dinner."

With that he stalked out of the room. "Dinner? Dinner where? I thought you said we were going to talk?" _What the fuck?_

I went into the bathroom and started the shower. I don't know what in the hell is wrong with Ranger. You'd think he'd be happy that I'm not married. But, oh no, not Ranger, he's in 'I've got to pull some caveman routine, kick the guys out and order Steph to dinner, mode.' He should know by now how well I take orders. But, I'm curious as to what Batman is up too. So I let his orders slide.

I stepped under the spray and relaxed as the water rolled off my body. I was just finishing my beauty routine when I heard the door open a little ways. Thinking it was Ranger, I asked, "So where are we going to dinner, Ranger?"

I heard a sharp intake of breath, "Damn Beautiful, you're sure you don't want to rethink that marriage?"

"Lester, get out of here!" I screamed trying to find something to cover myself with.

"Santos!" I heard Ranger growl.

"Later, Beautiful." He chuckled and took off running out of the bathroom.

It sounded like WW III broke out in the living room of the suite. I stepped quickly out of the shower and wrapped myself in a robe. I ran towards the commotion. Ranger was being restrained by Bobby and Zip, Lester by Ram and Binkie.

"I was just messing with you! You've got to learn to lighten up!" Lester fumed.

"I've had it with your shit, COUSIN. What the hell were you thinking?"

"Like I said, it was a joke. I couldn't even see her. I only opened the door enough to make you think I looked."

I sighed, these two were driving me crazy and I was in desperate need of chocolate. I walked into the kitchen, hoping to find something sweet and tasty. Popping some Hershey Kisses into my mouth, I couldn't help the moan that escaped my lips. God, if I couldn't have my Ranger induced orgasm; this was the next best thing.

"Babe!" Ranger scolded, "I said we were going to dinner."

"WHAT? Can't I have my dessert first?" I asked in a mocking tone. **"Chocolate and I have a spiritual connection. It fills me up, makes me happy and never lets me down. If it was legal to marry an inanimate object, I'd ask it to marry me."**

"I think we've had enough marriages this weekend, Bombshell." Bobby chuckled.

Ranger reached over and smacked the back of Bobby's head.

"What the hell was that for?" Bobby said while rubbing the spot Ranger had hit.

Ranger ignored Bobby's question, "Steph, enjoy your dessert but I'm waiting till after dinner for mine."

"You don't eat dessert. Where are we going for dinner? I'm confused." I sighed. I had no idea what was going on.

Ranger chuckled and pulled me into his arms and whispered, "Dinner is a surprise and as for dessert, I'm planning on having you as my dessert." He gave me a wolf grin that sent a bolt of lust straight to my doodah.

_Woo Boy!_ I mentally fanned myself and dropped the bag of chocolate, then ran for the bathroom to finish getting ready.

_Sometime later …_

I stepped out of my room and found rose petals at my feet. I followed the path and found Ranger holding a dozen red tipped white roses.

"Beautiful." He breathed as I approached him. He wrapped me in his arms and his lips crashed down on mine in a passionate kiss. When we came up for air, he handed me the roses. _How did he know that these are my favorites?_

"Finally, I get you all to myself." He smiled as he pulled me into the kitchen, setting the roses in a crystal vase.

"Ranger, not that I mind, but what's going on?"

"I'm taking you out on a date. Is that okay? And, the name's Carlos, Babe."

It seemed unbelievable to me that he wanted to go out on a date with me but after the past two days; a quiet evening out with Ranger seemed heavenly.

"Ranger," he quirked his eyebrow and frowned, "I mean … Carlos; I'd love to go out on a date with you."

He pulled me out of the suite and held me close as we made our way to the entrance. I couldn't believe my eyes when a black 2010 Lamborghini Reventón Roadster pulled up and Bobby climbed out from behind the wheel, tossing Carlos the keys as he rounded the car.

"Do you know what that is?" I exclaimed breathlessly, mouth hanging open like a fish.

Ranger chuckled, "Yeah Babe, I know what it is considering I just bought it."

I think I'm going to faint. _Breathe, Stephanie, Breathe_. He just went out and bought a million dollar car! He pulled me to the passenger side. I dug in my heels. "I can't get in that! You know my track record with cars! Noooo way!" I turned away from the car to head back inside.

Carlos picked me up bridal style before I'd gone two steps away and placed me in the passenger seat. "Babe," he chuckled, "it's just a car. Plus it's insured against fire, bombs, trash trucks, six foot tall Rabbits, and rocket launchers." Ranger humor. I stuck my bottom lip out in a pout.

"Babe, I'm only kidding you." He tilted my head towards his and flashed me a thousand watt smile.

We pulled up in front of the Venetian Hotel and Casino, I looked over at Carlos. "What are we doing here?"

He gave me a warm smile, "Babe, I'm taking you to dinner." The valet came over and opened my door, causing Carlos to growl, "Mine." He stepped in front of the valet and helped me out of the car.

"I can't take you anywhere without someone trying to take you away from me." He muttered as we made our way inside.

I couldn't believe my eyes as I stepped in to the lobby. It was like stepping into Venice, Italy. I wondered, _if Italy really looked like this in real life?_ The place was breathtaking. .

"Yeah, Babe. This is very similar to what Venice looks like. I'll take you there sometime."

_What the hell? Now he's taking me on vacation? Where is Batman and what has Carlos done with him?_

We walked hand in hand to the B&B Ristorante, where Chef Mario Batali prepared us a lovely meal. He sent out Mint Love Letter with Spicy Lamb Sausage for us to share. Ranger had 'Duck with Cara Cara Orange and Tetragonia Spinach' and I had 'Steak Tagliata with Braised Greens Affogato'. It was all wonderful. They brought the dessert tray and I couldn't believe when I turned them down. I was stuffed and couldn't eat another bite.

Ranger motioned for the check and quickly settled the bill. We got up to leave and I moaned, "I'm so full, I feel like I'm going to pop."

"Me too, let's take a stroll and walk this off, okay?" He took my hand and placed a kiss on my knuckles.

"I'd love to." I smiled.

We walked around the grounds, through the winding paths where Carlos would pause and point out things he planned to show me in Italy.

We finally made our way completely around the complex when Carlos stopped in front of the wedding chapel.

"What are we doing here?"

"Well, I've made a decision. I'm not going to take a chance of anyone stealing you away from me again. You aren't going to marry anyone else but me."

"Carlos, we can't get married! This is crazy! You don't do relationships. We haven't talked about this…err… You can't be serious? But…huh..." I babbled, staring wide-eyed at the sinfully, sexy man in front of me.

"Babe. 'We're going to do this and it's going to be good'."

The End

A/N: So what did you think??? Did they get married??? Did Steph bolt???? Find out in my upcoming sequel. "You Did What?" If I get 30 reviews I'll start the sequel next week.


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